笑话 (马来西亚版)

Osama生前曾经說：

大马是全球唯一絕對不能惹的國家！

原因是這樣的：

基地組織曾派出11名恐怖分子襲擊大马，結果如下：

1) 一人去炸KLCC時塞车塞了2小时，结果在车龙里爆炸了；

Terrorist decides to blow up KLCC. He drives to KLCC with the intention of planting the bomb there, gets stuck in a 2-hour jam, and blows himself up in frustration.

2) 一人在KL交通灯前因为horn了别的车辆一声，结果被路霸打到进医院去了；

3) 一人在怡保驾车因为跟着路牌走，结果去了Lumut；

Terrorist decides to bomb Ipoh as a practice session before targeting KL. He drives for the first time on the highway to Ipoh trusting the signboards to get him there, and ends up in Lumut. Terrorist drowns himself in the sea in frustration.

4) 一人去炸Bintang Walk；在路旁就被人拉了去找小姐，结果执法官员在当天的行动中把他逮捕了；

Terrorist decides to blow up Bukit Bintang. Upon arrival at destination, he is accosted by a pimp and spends the night in the arms of a beautiful woman. At dawn, authorities raid the place and arrest him.

5) 一人曾經嘗試在Puduraya放炸弹，結果还未走到Puduraya门口，就給摩哆匪搶了，人还被拖了100 m；

Terrorist decides to blow up Puduraya. While walking to his destination, the bag in which he keeps his bombs gets snatched by snatch thieves on a motorcycle. He pulls on his bag's strap desperately and dies after being dragged 100m on the road.

6) 一人剛到云顶高原半途中，被一辆巴士撞死了。司机是一名18岁，无牌驾驶的少年；

Terrorist decides to blow up Genting Highlands. On the way up the mountain, a speeding bus driven by a 18-year-old boy without a driving license crashes into his car and kills him instantly.

7)一人去了Serdang 炸医院，忽然听到一声巨响...医院倒塌了，结果那人也被压死了；

Terrorist decides to blow up Serdang Hospital. He enters the hospital lobby, hears a loud crashing sound and looks up to see the ceiling collapsing on him. He dies.

8)一人去偷了一架战机准备去撞KL Tower；他start了引擎很久都start不到，结果打开引擎盖一看....原来这战机没引擎的~；

9)一人去了Johor Bahru租房子， 在进行任务的前一天，家里进了賊，匪徒打枪和把他杀了；

Terrorist decides to bomb Johor Bahru. He rents a house as headquarters and the night before the dastardly deed, three men with knives break into his house, robs him and kills him.

10) 一人成功地在吧生港口炸港，死傷數百人，潛回基地組織後，半年都沒見任何到有关的新聞報導，遂被組織以"謊報戰果罪"報處決了（這個最可憐！）；

Terrorist decides to blow up Port Klang. He succeeds!! But the next day The Star, NST, Berita Harian and Utusan publish an article on page 10 headlined "Boy playing with fireworks injured in minor explosion.". Finally, he had been punished by the group for the mission failure.

最後，osama不得不說：記得！！大马是全球唯一絕對不能惹的國家

Just for laugh

Bin Laden said: China is the country we absolutely cannot mess with !

The reason is this: al-Qaeda terrorists had made 8 attacks on the Chinese with the following results:

One person was to explode a bomb in Beijing Xizhimen (the main northwest gate of Beijing) but he lost his way in the three-dimensional traffic bridge;

One person in Shanghai was directed to take a bus to explode a suicide bomb in the bus, but it was so crowded he could not get into a bus for two hours;

One person was to bomb a supermarket in Wuhan, but found that the bomb remote control was stolen;

One person wanted to bomb government buildings in Chengdu, but was stopped at the door by the security staff and arrested as an East Turkistan separatist, and was beaten and interrogated;

One person succeeded in bombing a Hebei mine, with hundreds of people dead and wounded, and then returned to the al-Qaeda center, but even after six months, failed to see any news reports on the success of the bombing， he was considered by the organization to claim a false victory and was executed;

One person had tried to bomb Guangzhou, but as he came off the train, a motorcycle robber (flying car robber) snatched his bag (containing the bomb) from him;

One person who arrived in Xi'an lost contact, and was later found at the hospital in a state of coma. Doctors said it was the result of him eating not only harmful food products, but he also drank fake alcohol;

Later, bin Laden tried to send a female terrorist to blow up Hainan Island, but she was cheated into prostitution!

Finally, Bin Laden conclude that China is the only country which cannot mess with!

Funny

~Finally, this is my 100th post in my blog. Wish to bring some joy to you.~

"I am a cool and handsome painter indeed."

"Honey please, just calm down. Let me explain..."

"...I don't care who you are, Where you're from, What you did, As long as you love me.."

"Once upon a time there were 3 little pigs, so I ate them. End of story. Now go to sleep!"

"I live in Beijing. Hope you won't see me to become roast duck in any restaurant one day."

蜡笔小新

老师 ：「小新，请用『左右为难』來造句」
小新 ：「我考试時左右为难」
老师 ：「是题目不会答，让你左右为难？」
小新 ：「不，是左右同学答案不一样，让我左右为难」



老师 ：「小新，你怎么偷同学的橡皮擦？你做这种事，难道不为父母想一想吗？」
小新 ：「就是想過才做的。这样就不用花父母的钱了」



老师 ：「小新，你的毛病就是用词不当，现在考考你用一句成语來形容老师很开心」
小新 ：「含笑九泉」



妈 ：「小新 ，要你补习英语是希望你不要输在起跑点上」
小新 ：「我早就输在起跑点上了」
妈 ：「你输了什麼？」
小新 ：「遗传」



爸 ：「你看廿四孝的故事多感人，你做得到吗？」
小新 ：「至少我能做到一样，卖身葬父」



妈 ：「我以为你在写功课，竟然是在玩电动」
小新 ：「这又不能怪我」
妈 ：「难道要怪我？」
小新 ：「沒錯，谁叫你走路声音那麼轻」



妈 ：「小新，你这学期捡到10次钱吗？」
小新 ：「沒有，只捡到一次」
妈 ：「那怎么会有十张拾金不眛的荣誉卡？」
小新 ：「我把捡到的一百元換成10個铜板」



妈 ：「小新，你又开电视了」
小新 ：「我又不是要看电视」
妈 ：「那你在做什么？」
小新 ：「我在核对报纸的电视节目表有沒有印错」

Animals

"I will always be there whenever you need me. This is what we called **friend**."

"Itchy? Let me help you. However, you must pay me for the service."

"Please papa, don't leave me behind! Believe me, I will be a good boy."

"Yummy.. The finger is so attractive for me."

"Is this child yours? What happen to him? He can't get his favorite toys?"

"Oh God! Why he leave me? I can't live any longer without him!"

"I am small in size but I can scare you off!"

"I have to work harder to feed a big family of 20."

"Can't you just wait until tonight? People are watching us now."

"My dear, let us celebrate after my face-lift."

"Though I am still young, I know where you are eyeing ....."

"The new Titanic. You jump I jump."

"This has got nothing to do with the length of my tongue."

"Kungfu fighting. Want to try it out?"

"I am still sleepy, .. z .. Z .. z .."

"This is the good time for me to run away from him!"

"My new toilet bowl. Who want to try it?"

"You are too young to become my chicken meal..."

"I've got my hair done at the famous hair salon across the road! They told me that this is the latest hair style in town."

"I told you not to pull my ears before, didn't I?"

Take a break!

1. Oops, forgot to comb my hair after wake up this morning


2. Luckily my mother never makes this mistake when baby-sit so many kids at home


3. There are some people will do this in real life


4. Everybody wants to get rich but never think of the consequence of having wealth


5. I think I haven’t try on Diet Coke before, still wait for the right time to taste it


6. Many criminal/murder cases happened in US because of the misuse of weapons


7. If this happen on employer(cat) and employee(mice), what will happen next?

快乐一下! Relax